What Does It Mean To Belong?

I recently started thinking about belonging and what it means to me as a mindset coach. 

Collins Dictionary defines belonging as a ‘secure relationship’. 

In essence, this is true, but belonging is much more nuanced. At its core, belonging is about being one’s truest self in any environment we find ourselves in. 

In my last blog, I wrote about the need to reconnect with ourselves. The most important relationship we will ever have is with ourselves. And if we want to feel like we belong in the workplace, in a sporting group, in our community, in our surroundings, in our circle, then we first have to belong to ourselves. 

Before I dive deeper into how we do that, I first want to touch on what belonging is not. 

Belonging doesn’t mean everyone in our group has to like the same things or think the same thoughts. Belonging is being one’s true self, even with people who believe or act differently. 

Unfortunately, many workplaces and modern institutions are not structured for belonging. The hierarchies of power, excessive competition and societal stereotypes can make a person feel like an outsider or insignificant. 

And when we are in an environment where we feel like we don’t belong, our brain constantly monitors for threats, leaving fewer resources for higher cognitive processes such as creativity. 

But all of this – the stereotypes, the competition, the projections - is in the mind. 

The foundation of my mindset coaching practice is simple - self-awareness and mindfulness – both of which result in belonging. 

Self-awareness and belonging 

Self-awareness is critical to belonging. It is about peeling back the beliefs and prejudices that keep us separate - from ourselves and each other.

Mindset coach teaches people to look beyond the ‘labels’. When we start to untangle from the beliefs and stories in our minds, we begin to see ourselves and each other with much more compassion. The turning inwards allows us to take ownership over how we “see” the world and other people.

Thinking back to the dictionary definition of ‘secure relationship’, belonging refers to the ability to have and maintain meaningful relationships.

I argue that people can only have secure relationships when they have a sense of separation from their own biases, beliefs and prejudices. That’s self-awareness. 

Mindfulness and belonging

Part of what I teach is simple mindful practices such as feeling the clothes on our skin or deep belly breathing. This simple practice cultivates the sense of ‘belonging in our own skin’ by focusing on the here and now. 

Then as we grow in mindfulness through daily practices such as meditation, we gain an increased sense of connection to ourselves and a greater sense of connectedness and compassion for others. 

Mindful practices lay the foundation for connection. And connection leads to belonging. 

Conclusion 

The tagline for my business is ‘Fulfilment lies beyond the mind’. But the word ‘Fulfilment’ could easily be substituted with ‘Belonging’. Self-awareness and mindfulness are tools that take us beyond the mind’s stories into true belonging. 

We all need to belong. It’s part of being human. But instead of looking outward to find belonging in a person, group or situation, redirect your attention inwards. I’d love to show you how.

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